Dirt Bitch

This morning, the HIVE was so fresh and so clean, clean. I love having a clean and organized home. The bankers came today to do appraisals of different Earthships and ours was on the tour. It was Robinson's birthday. My voice lesson was rescheduled. So I watched Kris teach Baki and Michael basic carpentry skills before heading off to my annual Women's Health exam.

All the ladies at the Women's Health Institute are exceptionally friendly. They have midwives handy. I was not bombarded with birth control advertisements on all the diagrams of uteri and on the stirrup things, just soft fuzzy cotton on which to rest my feet. And soft cotton robes with velcro slits in front and back to keep yourself covered if you so wish. None of that scratchy paper disposable excuse of dignity. I'm hot for practitioner. Long black hair, well-dressed, talking homeopathy and natural remedies to me, recommending me to Rapid Eye Movement therapist for sexual abuse PTSD, telling me that hair down there is perfectly healthy and grooming decisions are merely aesthetic, if anything shaving and waxing create in-grown hairs and irritation, she lived in Earthships when she first moved to Taos when she was 25. Then...

Naomi asked if I'd like to learn to do my own self-exam! An immediate yes came out before I even understood the question. I believe all humans should have more understanding of their own bodies, I said. And she thanked me for saying yes, because apparently she asks all her patients this and they all say no...except me! So I found the right angle for the hand mirror and she held it there and handed me the speculum. Now use your fingers to spread your labia. Very good. Now insert the speculum. Does that hurt? Try angling it down. Does that still hurt? Lean back. Lean all the way back. There you go. Now let me open it so and let you see inside. And there it was. My cervix. It was so red and real. I went from velvet couch to a secret tunnel in moments. And after all the days and nights I imagined that dark inner space to be filled with unimaginable dirtiness and phantom diseases, I saw the truth. The beauty. Me. Healthy. Happy. A mystery best discovered with the help of others.

Then off to roller derby to be given three different pairs of skates to sample. Narrow skates squeeze me. I need one size wider. Skinny wheels vs. wide wheels? Grippy or slippy or a combo of the two? 4 or 5? Speed or stability? Mostly talked with Tracy about the nuances of getting skates, trucks, bearings, heels and toes.

Then off to the library to print paystubs for my food stamps appointment. And to take a little break in the middle of my busy day. I hadn't eaten yet, but no time to eat. Too much to do. Plus, I felt like it would be more appropriate to feel hungry at a food stamps meeting. On the way out of the library, I picked up two Anti-Pesticide magazines to read while waiting at Human Services. I qualify for $16 a month. Any little bit helps. The woman could hardly believe I didn't pay utilities. Imagine poverty on utilities. I am blessed. $16 a month will provide for the big bottle of organic olive oil I buy for everyone's everyday use in this house of many.

Then off to Centinel Bank of Taos to give them a copy of my official New Mexican Driver's License! And they set up my online banking account. It's official, folks. My account is finalized. I have direct deposit and automatic debits for my student loan payments. I paid off my credit card to $0. And I'm paying my car insurance in one payment so I don't have to think about it for another 6 months. In that 6 months and beyond I can pay towards interest and principal on my loans, finally.

I went to the Taos Post Office and mailed Mommy the keyboard I've been toting around in my car for entirely too long. Mom doesn't pick up her phone, hasn't called, and is without keyboard for internetting. Hopefully the lines of communication shall be reopened with the keyboard's arrival upon her doorstep.

Then to Mud 'n' Flood for a headlamp and patches for my down jackets. I resolved to get the lint roller another day. Stop the leaking first then clean the tiny feathers off of every surface in my room. Then I went to the El Prado PO to pick up my mail. Then I went to the new convenient store in the Greater World community to return a spoon.

Little did I know, Frank there was a roller derby "coach" for a serious New York team, the Gotham Girls. Apparently, Ariel Assault is a very common derby name. Time for a new one. Brainstorming and networking...

Then home for a lovely sunset and leftover soup.

Robinson was making us all his favorite meal for his birthday dinner--Bratwurst and sauerkraut with mashed potatoes. Carly made vanilla cake with marshmallows and apples carved into the words "Happy Birthday 2 U". Dinner was followed by Apples to Apples, dice rolling games, and an outdoor bonfire. The boys made late-night bacon over the fire while I showered.

Tomorrow, all I have to do is sleep in, play music, eat food, do whatever the hell I please, possibly including laundry, energy work at 3 pm, pay day, and maybe dinner and a movie. I want to see Black Swan again.

And the name came to me: DIRT BITCH.